There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
