I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Two words: nipple clamps
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