Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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