The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
