The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
