so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
