Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
