just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
