I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
