im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
