my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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