ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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