The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
