im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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