there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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