Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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