carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
