Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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