How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh god it's open bar.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
