i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
