what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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