I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
