Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
