True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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