the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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