Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
now i know why i became what i already was.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
