me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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