I am puke
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I stole a fireplace last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
