I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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