Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize