she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
