we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
