I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
