He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
