tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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