DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
