I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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