the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize