Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
