Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
