I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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