The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
