Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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