And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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