I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
