i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
