i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
