I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
