so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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