I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
