Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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