Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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