So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
