I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
