everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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