I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
