I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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