just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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