Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
