I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
