her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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