Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
