i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How does one acquire holy water?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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