How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
