thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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