I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
