Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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