I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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