Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
