xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
