My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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