do herpes really smell.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
