He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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