DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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