I forgot how hot balto sounded
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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