Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
