Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
