so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The best revenge is premature balding
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
