Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
