no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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