I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
