I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
