Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
