I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
