Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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