Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am in a vortex of obligation.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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