he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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